All day I feel like something bad is going to happen.

Not sure if I can’t wake up properly or if I’m just off today. I can’t tell, but it’s messing the day up!

I know that growing up the “dad” was a member of a lodge, when I see the name of his group I feel off.

Don’t know why, or even how to explain it. Just.. do. If I see someone’s ring or pin with the insignia, or see it mentioned online, I just feel off. It definitely disrupts the village.

I know not all that belong to that same group are bad, so we’re definitely not lumping all in under the same heading.

Just can’t explain the feeling. I don’t like it though.

Time for bed now, we’re behind on comments sorry! Will catch up this weekend.

It bites to be sick.

Keep checking my throat for white spots, but so far none. Still able to eat, drink, breathe so must be just fine.

Having Wednesday set for fun, it is good. It is a day to take a break from the worry and stress, at least.. try to. So many things making the entire village sad these days, it is difficult. It is starting to feel more like hour by hour, rather than year by year in regards to our dearest friend.

So we like to do the Wednesday fun, it helps ease the stress a bit.

We haven’t decided what this week’s fun is. It’s too cold for being outside for long, especially with a sore throat.

Thought about making some flour dough, but then there’s the possiblity they might want to keep the stuff they make. I don’t know about that, I mean it’s not like I want them to toss their art.. no no.. but it’s flour dough, the last experience I had with it.. it drew bugs! UGH!

Don’t need that. So tomorrow we’ll research and see what we find about some recipes. Maybe it can be sealed in clear nail polish, or poly clear spray.

Some have suggested coloring macaroni and stringing it, can’t imagine what they want to do that for but sounds okay to me.

We are all just struggling, it’s tough to focus on anything fun right now.

I’d just really like for them to apologize, and mean it. It won’t heal any hurt, in fact it’ll probably hurt me even more if they’d apologize because that means they’d acknowledge what they did.

I think that someday, it would be a nice thing to know. That they’re sorry.

Things are tough right now, one of the people I turn to in life is so ill. I keep thinking she’ll get better, but she isn’t. For a few days last week things were better, but now.. not so much.

Here we have a woman who is so kind, so caring, she’s been motherly to me for years. She truly cares, and she’s so sick and she’s dying. Things are going much quicker now

Then on the other side of the story we have two people who spent years abusing us, and they’re alive and healthy (assumed healthy at least).

How is this fair?

How is it that the kind, caring, lovely woman is so ill. Yet the hateful, uncaring, ugly woman is still allowed to live her life with glee? (assumed glee)

I don’t know.

It isn’t fair. I still need her in my life Why don’t I get a say in it all?

Why can’t she be well?

Got to get a grip, want to call her but I can’t be crying on the phone. I do my best to not upset her more, I cry after we hang up. She knows I cry, she knows I’m sad.. but the few calls we do have, I like them to be fun.. it is good for both sides of the line.

I love when she gets on a good rant about Hell’s Kitchen, she’s hilarious. Can’t help but laugh when she starts going on about the crap that was cooked and how Gordon yelled at them, and how many times the tv went BEEEEP and some blurred mouths. Then JP just looks like hw ants to stab someone with a fork every episode at some point.

That’s funny.

My friend apologized to me, for being ill, for not feeling up to emails and chats, for being sad, or tired.. why does she apologize? I tell her there is nothing she needs to apologize for, truly there isn’t. That’s not just something to say because it sounds like the “right thing to say”. She apologizes..

My heart breaks a little bit more every day these days.

Why is it every time we open up, write about the past that is supposed to remain secret, we’re hit with horrid nightmares?  Had a horrible nightmare I think it was two nights ago, hard to remember since we’ve taken naps and that always throws things off.

Got it behind a “more” just so if you don’t want to read it, you don’t have to.

Today was just a very tired day. Too worn out to write about anything.

It was fun playing with the finger paints! Kind of gross too, it’s like shoving around a giant pile of boogers. Had to add a little water to it, just a wee tiny bit and mix it up. Not that we’ve ever had experience in shoving masses of booger around though, just want to clarify that! We divided the recipe into two bowls and dyed it with food coloring. Then took out some of our artist boards and worked on those so we can hang them up later.

The stuff is drying really slow, hopefully it actually stays stuck to the board. Poking it and it feels like drying boogers. Yuck.

Actually not really sure how we’ll hang them, maybe some string and duck tape on the back. That sounds like a good plan.

Going to make some more once they decide on some designs and colors they’d like to do. Probably not today though, they’re figuring out what other fun things they want to fill the day with in between getting exercise in.

Part of our exercise is playing DDR and hula hooping, so that ranks high on the fun charts too.

I think having a fun day has made a huge difference in the internal mood. Playing video games, finger painting, watching cartoons.. some are things we do daily but having a day just for this stuff is really nice.

It’s not fair that they never get a day, you know?

Not many memories of pets, but the ones I do have make me sad.

I’ve cut the post so it is there to read if you so choose.  It’s not happy, pleasant, or something I would like to even remember.  If you decide to read it, please keep in mind this is a horrible set of memories.  It upsets me a lot.

Made this recipe instead, the original version

Finger Paint Recipe

Waiting on it to cool to colorize it. Going with pink and blue.